“The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”
Psalm 18:2 (ESV)
So after most of the initial paperwork was handed-in to the missions organization, although several requirements were still pending, I had a scheduled phone interview with a coordinator in the placement office to begin discussing actual in-the-field opportunities.
As soon as I hung up the phone, to say I didn’t think it went very well would be a serious understatement.
Without going into details of the conversation, which in and of itself was fine, I was left with so many questions, doubts, uncertainties, and unknowns that I didn’t know which way was up. This process that had been difficult and challenging, but also exciting and full of potential and opportunity to go serve somewhere, all of a sudden felt like it may not be such a sure thing after all.
What if this wasn’t right?
What if I had misheard God?
What if this process ended without placement?
Did that mean I had failed?
Did that mean I didn’t know God’s voice or that I had somehow manipulated circumstances to my own choosing?
Did that simply mean I was being brought to a place of surrender, dependence, and all out trust?
I didn’t want to ask these questions out of fear … of going, of change, of unknown.
And I didn’t want to question my motives unnecessarily.
But I did want to honestly evaluate where I was and where I was headed to ensure that at each turn, I was following the Lord.
This process, each unknown step, was grounded in the Lord … my rock and my stronghold.
If not being placed (which at that moment I perceived as complete failure) was the worst that happened, God would still be God. Still good. Still sovereign.
And with that perspective, there was nothing left to fear.
I could trust. I could rest.
Because He’s got this.