5 Things

5 Things

1) This photo. Summer colors and sunshine. Amen.

2) Moving has as much to do with the heart as it is a physical act. I’m still learning.

3) My blogging schedule is clearly a mess these days (refer to #2). I intend to get back to Tuesday / Friday posts soon. But giving myself a little grace through the end of the summer to get back into a good rhythm.

4) The anniversary of my little brother’s death is coming up on Monday, July 29th. It’s been 11 years. That sounds like such an anti-climactic number, but I always seem to find myself a little more contemplative in the weeks surrounding this date. I never really know how I’m going to react on the anniversary day itself. I just can’t always anticipate how grief will look, but I’m still learning to just ride the waves as they come.

5) I am a hot mess of runaway thoughts and emotions these days. And the more I try to control it, the more out of control I feel. I hate it and I love it. Hate it because it’s wildly uncomfortable. But love it because it forces me to Jesus in a whole new way. And that’s really precious.

As a words person, it pains me to not be able to exactly describe what I mean. But I just can’t. I’m not sure I even fully understand. I just know it’s like I’m walking in this deep and intentional relationship, and when I miss spending time with Him, I feel like I can’t breathe quite right. Because He’s my constant and my rest and my relief and my all. He physically calms me. Though I’m still trying to figure out how to hold onto that calm for a little longer throughout each day. And I’m still learning how to react to situations in a manner that reflects His presence well.

But I’m more desperate for Him and more dependent on Him. I feel like I’m getting life all wrong, but He’s so near. So I’m literally attempting to walk right on His heels just to stay near Him and to know where to go next. Though from that place right on His heels, all I can really see is Him. And while that means I don’t know much at all about where we’re headed, I trust it’s good.

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*07/31/13 update: I didn’t plan on using this post to link up with Emily Freeman at Chatting at the Sky for her “what we learned in July” linky, but I realized that I repeated the phrase “I’m still learning…” several times, so I’m thinking it counts! Thanks for stopping by!*

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14 thoughts on “5 Things

  1. Dawn Muench

    Jesus-followers . That’s all we should be aiming for- right? Sounds like He’s making sure you believe that…. Been there, am there… You are def on the right track! Love when you share your heart- these lessons are precious and don’t fit neat writing/blogging scripts:)

  2. Tara

    Emily, I totally understand what you’re saying about the emotions thing! I’ve been having a lot of trouble with it too, but as you stated, it does drive you to Jesus even more.

    I read your post to your brother and couldn’t help but tear up. I’m so sorry. Will be praying for you and your family this weekend. God bless!
    – Tara

  3. Susan Stilwell

    Amen to this, Emily: “Because He’s my constant and my rest and my relief and my all. He physically calms me.” I’ve experienced that so many times in the past couple of weeks!

    1. Emily Post author

      Oh, I have no doubt you have. His presence is powerful! So glad to hear the good reports, but definitely still praying for y’all!

  4. Brandee

    4) Broke my heart. MY little brother has been unwell for about 9 years, and it hurts so much…I can’t imagine his leaving this earth. He’s at Mercy in Baltimore, now; are you in Baltimore (given the blog title)? Pleased to make your acquaintance via Chatting at the Sky.

    1. Emily Post author

      I’m so sorry to hear about your brother, Brandee. I know that must hurt.

      I’m in NC, but the title was inspired by and the header photo is from Baltimore. I served as a summer missionary in Maryland (mostly in the greater Annapolis area, but throughout the Washington-Baltimore I-95 corridor as well) between my junior and senior years in college and fell in love with the Inner Harbor. It was one of our favorite spots to hang out on free evenings!

  5. Victoria

    Hi there. Popping over from Emily’s link up and I just wanted to tell you this was one of the most beautiful “not knowing what to say” post I’ve read. As others have said, it would be an honor to pray for you and your family. Grace and peace.

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