Tag Archives: fear

Everything. Anything.

“fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10

everything anything

In the midst of battling fear, processing change, and feeling worn, during a difficult yet sweet time in the Word re-reading the same two passages of Scripture (Joshua 1 and Isaiah 41) for what was going on days, the desperate prayer of my heart was this:

Lord, what more do you want from me? What more do I have to give?

And His response was this:

Everything. Anything.

And not just once. And not just for a moment. I want all of you. For a lifetime. Of moment-by-moment surrender and following.

I want you to choose to rest in My presence over and over again.

When it’s easy and when it’s not.
When you want to and when you don’t.
When you think you can do this life on your own and when you know you cannot.

I want you with Me.

I want everything. anything.

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The Victor’s Grip is Greater

Victor's Grip

Some days, the what-ifs and I-don’t-knows of this feel overwhelming. Even a little dark. Like swimming through murky waters just below the surface. I can’t quite see my way out.

Questions of the alternatives hang in the balance.

But maybe I’m supposed to sit with the tension, the conflict, the trial, a little longer. Each day realizing even more that this is out of my hands. It was never really in them anyways.

The facade of control crumbles.

The attempt to manage and maintain fails.

But the message from Sunday’s sermon on James 1 rings loud and clear.

“Count it all joy, my brothers,when you meet trials of various kinds,for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4 (ESV)

The trustworthy Words of the Lord are light in this darkness.

I can hear Him saying…

Trust Me. Be Steadfast. Rest. Find Joy. Not in your ability, but in Mine.

And I find myself desperately asking for wisdom (my word for this year). Because I just can’t do this on my own. I can’t even fix my gaze on Him without His power, His strength, His presence drawing me in, drawing me near, drawing me deep.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” James 1:5 (ESV)

The burden to figure-out this life is not mine to bear. There’s really very little to figure-out. He’s already done that. He’s already planned, battled, and won.

The unknown is frightening and fear’s grip can be great, but the victory is secure, and the Victor’s grip is greater.

{Day 11} This Process Has Only Just Begun…

“I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust,'”

Psalm 91:2

From the journal . . .

The application has been turned over to the placement office, and this process has only just begun.

On the heels of feeling a huge wave of relief wash over me as I finalized the application details and clicked submit, there’s now a whole new level of pressure and a whole new list of expectations, requirements, and paperwork.

It’s good. It’s just a lot.

I still find myself going back and forth from being crazy excited one moment to experiencing sheer terror the next as I consider the weight of where the Lord may lead. I want to honestly acknowledge both the excitement and the fear, to depend on Him more and more through both, and to fully surrender myself to His calling, to His direction, to His way.

The paperwork, the responsibilites, the cost, the inconveniences … it all feels daunting and overwhelming.

But although following Christ is rarely easy, it’s always satisfying.

This is for His glory. This is for His fame.

And in this moment, this process seems so much less about a destination and so much more about trusting Him along the way.

May all of this process make much of Him.

He Must Become Greater

I can neither confirm nor deny that a series of devotion posts regarding God’s call(s) on our lives may or may not be forthcoming (ps: that series can be found here). . .

What I can say is this. I have been wrestling with the concept of discerning God’s callings, the definition of ministry, and the reality of gospel-centered missions.

But every time I think that I may be getting closer to a destination – to a place of peace and understanding in my thought processes – I find that the questions simply begin all over again and I am thrown back into a place of doubt, uncertainty, and (if I’m being really honest) fear.

The type of fear that says no matter how hard I’m desperately seeking after the Lord, I still can’t clearly see His direction.

The type of fear that reveals no matter how much I long to follow the Lord, I still often operate from a place of spiritual laziness.

The type of fear that confirms no matter how much I may think otherwise, there is so much that I don’t know about effectively imitating Christ in my everyday life.

Yet in the midst of the struggle, the questions, the fear, one truth seems to resound loud and clear. In the words of John the Baptist speaking of Jesus Christ:

“He must become greater; I must become less.” – John 3:30 (NIV)